In the 1980s, doctors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt developed a unique form of marriage therapy coined as Imago Relationship Therapy. A fundamental aspect of this therapy is Imago Dialogue.

Imago Dialogue is treated as a new way of talking in which couples agree to talk to each other in specific ways. First, they must give each other a chance to speak, and go back and forth one-at-a-time. Last, they follow the three main steps which are essential to making the Imago Dialogue work.
These are:

Mirroring
Validating
Empathizing

Mirroring

This first step, one person is listening to what the other person is saying without criticizing, analyzing, or giving their opinion.

This would sound something like, “What you’re saying is…,” or, “So what I think you said is…”

It’s okay to paraphrase, but don’t put yourself into the dialogue; this should be about them. You could even ask if there’s more they need to say, and then mirror what they’ve told you.

Validating

The second step occurs after the person has finished their dialogue. Validating asks you to acknowledge the other person. It’s when you see the logic in what he or she is saying. You don’t have to agree with it, but you see it and you honor it whether it’s true or false.

It might go as, “What you’re saying makes sense because…” or “I see where you’re coming from…”

However, if you truly can’t understand them, try to find something or ask them to explain.

This might go as, “I understand the part about (blank), but could you explain more about…?”

Empathizing

In the last step, you’re supposed to tell the person what you believe they may be feeling. You’re supposed to experience or sense their emotions in whatever it is they’re telling you about. In doing so, you’re letting the person know that you really understand them.

Ways of expressing this might go along the lines of, “That must feel really…” “I can only imagine how you must feel….”

Benefits of Imago Dialogue

Done correctly, Imago Dialogue can transform communication. It doesn’t even have to be with a significant other; it could be between work colleagues and employers, children, teenagers, and family. It could ease the tension in confrontation, and make it easier to understand another person that you otherwise find it difficult to communicate with.

The goal of Imago Dialogue is to create an emotional sense of trust and safety. In doing so, we let our guard down and become vulnerable to the other person. From that, we start to open up and speak honestly.

We disarm judgment and create genuine connections.

For couples, you learn to hold their sense of reality without being quick to judge, criticize, blame, or disagree with them. Ideally, this is what love should be. You see the person clearly for who they are, and from a place of love, you start to care for them. You want them to succeed in their endeavors, and be happy. This prevents nasty confrontation and conflict and instead cultivates a more honest, authentic relationship.

That is the intent of Imago Dialogue- to change the way we respond and communicate with others. It acknowledges both parties and helps them to better understand with the other person, and make the response ever more real through this understanding.