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How To Be Happier
Blog | April 15, 2018
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Private Member |
Hm.. I don’t agree with you on that topic. Or at least only partly.
Yes, it’s absolutely true that being happy is about focusing on positive/good things in life.
Most importantly being happy is about developing yourself/your skills and have a goal to work towards.
However there simply are jobs you hate and will never be happy with, because you can’t develop, be creative, be appreciated, have shitty colleagues etc… Same thing with a bad marriage/relationship/family situation. Some relationships are toxic and you will never be happy with them no matter how hard you are trying. Bottom line is if you are unhappy with anything, not only change your inner dialouge like you are recommending but also CHANGE the situation you are unhappy with. I think thats a REALLY important point you left out here. Quit the shitty job, find a new partner who treats you better, move to the countryside if you hate your expensive, small and loud apartment. Staying inside your comfort zone and forcing yourself to be happy is often not at all the best idea. I think the real problem is that people are too afraid of change or they don’t want to put in the effort to change anything.
Anyway, thanks for the coffee talk. Its always interesting to hear another point of view and I hope I started a good discussion here 🙂 what are you guys thinking?
Private Member |
lake tahoe, nv, usa
The reason I didn’t talk about changing your environment is because that wasn’t the topic of this coffee talk. Changing the rather difficult situation is also the first thing that most people think about and that’s what makes them feel trapped when they can’t find a solution. For example someone who’s unhappy in their job feels like quitting is the most obvious thing they should do, but that’s not always possible. Most people don’t have a better job lined up and waiting for them. So instead of feeling stuck and get yourself depressed, try changing your inner dialog. Try to be creative with creating the feelings that you’re after and focus on the things that you can directly control, instead of getting mad at life. This is about getting out of your bubble and realizing that the feeling of happiness, love, passion, creativity, etc. can be re-created over and over by you in many different ways. There is not just one way to feel good.
When it comes to relationships – that’s the most complicated area of anyone’s life because now you’re dealing with two individuals with unique perspectives on life and if you’ve been married for 15 years, build life together and have kids, then getting divorced is also easier said than done. I believe that the reason for unhappy or failed marriages is that people tend to blame each other. I truly believe if people were spending less time and effort trying to fix others and spend more time fixing themselves, we would see significant decrease in failed marriages. Of course if someone is being physically abused, they should leave the relationship immediately. As for people being disrespectful to each other, it’s usually because they both are, and none of them is willing to take the high road.
Changing your dialog and consciously creating the feelings that you want to experience, is not about forcing yourself to be happy, or lying to yourself. It’s about inner discovery. We all look at the world in our own unique way and what makes one person feel comfortable and happy can make another person mad, or sad. It’s about perspective. One person might be so consumed with how much they hate their job because of their boss or what not, yet if you would put another person with a different perspective into the same position, you can have a completely different outcome. You can have a person, who gets along with the boss just fine and doesn’t really complain about the position at all. You can apply this to a relationship as well. It’s about flexing the emotional muscle, not always fighting against the environment.
Private Member |
We need a Like button for awesome comments. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Private Member |
seattle, washington
Been posting that every so often…
Private Member |
warsaw, poland
Zuzka, you got it! Took the topic without the hitch! I totally understand your point of view after this comment… though I was not entirely sure of your opinion in the first place but…you’re right – what if changing of some of the aspects of our life is not “a piece of cake” and we can not do this like “right here and right now”. We have to create something (like this inner dialogue) that allows us to survive and what gives more time for us to look for another job etc.
Private Member |
uk
I think what Zuzka means is basically creating a bit of a ”wiggle room” for yourself when you are trapped in life. By changing perspective you give yourself a break and be able to breathe a little and be able to see situation more objectively. You can’t do that when you have negative commentary running in your head constantly. Also solution is much more likely to present itself when you get out of the negative bubble or maybe it was there whole time but you missed it as you were too busy looking at it from problem standpoint. So first get out of the dark place and then you can act if you need to. That’s how I understood the coffee talk.
Private Member |
very, very well said. thank you.
Private Member |
Thank you
Private Member |
show low, az, usa
*Presses ‘like’ button*
Private Member |
dfw, tx
Thank you Zuzka, I really needed to hear this. I have been at my job for over 5 years and recently a coworker of mine have left. We have been struggling and the workload has increased immensely. It has been stressing me so much that it has caused me to become bitter and angry. Unfortunately I have bills to pay and quitting is not an option for me. I am going to try this technique and hope it works. Thanks again.
Private Member |
darwin, nt, australia
Good talk Zuzka. 🙂 I’ve gone through this same processes myself – I started to speak of things only in positive ways so I could build a positive attitude for every day. It’s a good exercise for everyone, even for a short while. Makes one realise just how much negativity we let in our lives and we do it FOR FREE.
So I tried to avoid any negative words as much as possible. No matter the context, I would try to rephrase the idea by excluding any negative wording. This would turn out to have a high impact on my overall state through the date (making it much better, obviously), not to say how much it helped when there was a tensed situation. 🙂 And from there on, it’s just like training and building healthy food habits. It takes a lot of focus and discipline and it’s a habit that we can build. A Habit of being constantly positive. 🙂 I think it’s too often that we omit how much this self-discipline, at all levels, can do for us.
Anyway, thanks for bringing this up. Good ideas throughout. 🙂
Private Member |
massachusetts, united states
This was great and I agree 100%. I myself am a very positive person. But I see when people are negative and focus on the bad how it can affect them and their lives. I work as a CT tech at a hospital and I deal with cancer patients all the time. Some are terminal and some are not, but the hope and positive energy that some of these people have is incredible, and it shows in their health. It keeps them going, then I have people who have nothing wrong but are always negative and it actually eventually makes them sick. Crazy how the pysche can have such an effect on your life and your health. Anyway great coffee talk.
Thank you!
Private Member |
woodbridge, virginia, usa
Great talk Zuzka, I can listen to you allll day…such a positive vibe you keep. I’m going to try my best to literally take note of the moments when I’m the happiest and increase them. Another “technique” I use is counting/naming all the many blessings in my life…it’s amazing how quickly and how deeply your perspective changes things afterwards.
Private Member |
balestrand, norway
YES!! You’re so right about how our happiness comes from ourselves! I’ve done a lot of inner work, and realized all my anxieties did come from me. Yes, there may have been outside triggers, but the way I chose to respond to them was self-destructive, not productive and didn’t take me closer to happiness. Our emotions stem from our thoughts (or the thoughts we choose to focus on). Shifting your focus to one of gratitude makes an enormous difference. Feeling grateful also produces feel-good chemicals that shift your mood and have a healing effect on the body!
For those who are wondering how this works in relationships, there’s a great book called Mindful Loving by Henry Grayson that really helped me a lot 🙂
Private Member |
hailey, id
Well-said, Z
Being content with what we have in order to sustain our going through whatever we’re going through, is a basic key to not being dissatisfied with our present circumstances.
The main articles of the current Awake! articles in jw . org are all about this very topic! Maybe you saw them, too!
Private Member |
perth, wa, australia
I agree 100% Zuzka My life the last 10 years has been absolutely overwhelming! Long story cut short… My father was jailed and he was my moms carer, I then become my mom’s carer. In the 10 years my partner and I packed, moved renovated and sold mom and dads home..everything that could go wrong DID! It was a painful long reno. My moms health deteriorated very fast and my dad developed Leukaemia and prostrate cancer whilst inside jail. Anyway he is out now and both are living with me, I am now having to sell my home and build another to accommodate them as I don’t want to put them in a hospice. It is very hard not only mentally, emotionally and physical as well. I run my own day spa, am a mother of 2 now 4 (my Mom & Dad) 😉 I look at my life and think hey I never asked for this! but in reality I put my hand up. I believe that things are handed to us as we are strong enough to deal with it. My answer to keep me sane is to exercise with you Zuzka which has been my saviour. I meditate and speak to friends about how I feel. Very important to deal with feelings as they surface and not keep it bottled up in side. Thank you for your post xx
Private Member |
london, on, canada
Love this! Thank you 🙂
Private Member |
lisbon, portugal
Not sure where to post this 😊 so chose a “happy” coffee talk to do it. 😊😊
Happy birthday Z, and thank you for your constant motivation.
I admire your strength, honesty and the example you give to all of us. And of course I love your workouts.
Hugs😊
Private Member |
I completely agree with this and have used these techniques to really turn my situation around. I was in a job that I absolutely hated for years. Most girls would have killed to have my job, it was creative, in fashion, and I was the head of my department, but I was miserable. For 6.5 freaking years! I applied for every other job I could find, even outside of my industry because I needed to escape my toxic environment. And all I could think about was how horrible every aspect of my job was. I was having no luck finding anything else and after years of this I realized the job and people there weren’t going to change, I was doing what I could to change my situation but that wasn’t going anywhere either.
Finally I decided I could change myself and work on my attitude and outlook. I started meditating, practicing yoga, focused on eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and being grateful for what I did have. Slowly but surely I started feeling better, I wasn’t getting angry or experiencing as much anxiety, and I created a 2 year plan to leave my job and switch careers. I’ve now left that job and I’m about to launch my new business and I couldn’t be happier. I feel like a completely different person and am so grateful everyday. I continue to do those things that pulled me out of that place and for me, I realized it was a choice although at the time I never would have believed that. It didn’t happen as quickly as I would have liked, but I stuck with it and chipped away at my goal which makes it even sweeter.