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When Perfection is a Problem
Health | August 04, 2015
I recently discussed plastic surgery on my recent coffee talk and it really had me thinking about our growing obsession with perfection, especially as it relates to our physical appearances. Too often now I see so many women nitpicking every little perceived flaw in their physical appearance to the point of anxiety and depression. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s no wonder that body dysmorphic disorders (BDD) are on the rise.
BDD is type of anxiety disorder where people focus on a perceived flaw or imperfection with their physical appearance. It could be as general as their body shape or skin to something incredibly specific like their chin or ears or elbows. Individuals suffering from BDD simply can’t let it go either. Their days are consumed fixating on their perceived imperfections. This fixation mutates into an intense negative self-image and can also lead to severe depression. Worse, the disorder can lead to thoughts of suicide as the anxiety grows and grows with little hope of change.
Most of us accept our physical flaws with a smile and a giggle and simply move on. We understand that no one is perfect except with the generous help of great lighting and photoshop :). We also understand that these little imperfections are what actually make us unique.
Still, there are some who simply can’t let their physical imperfections go. They exhaust all amounts of resources trying to fix what, ultimately, can’t be fixed by any doctor or mirror – how they view themselves. Once in a while, I’ll see someone profiled online or on television who has had so much plastic surgery that they no longer look human and I say that out of sympathy more than anything else. It’s really sad to see someone go to such great lengths only to still be anxious and unhappy. I had my own experience with self image issues when I was younger and I have received a comment about that on my Youtube channel a while ago that asked if I wish I were able to change my perspective of myself before I decided to go for the surgery and if I would still go that far about other image issue now or would changing perspective save me from that decision to go under knife again. Here’s my answer:
“I had my surgery when I was 25 years old because I wasn’t happy and I was obsessing about a particular part of my body. I haven’t had those thoughts ever since I went for the operation so I guess I solved the problem. Unfortunately it’s not always a good solution for everyone. It’s the same when some people think they’ll be finally happy if they make a lot of money, and when that happens they realize that more money did not bring them more happiness or made them calmer. So to answer your question, I do not regret my decision, because I’m healthy, had no complications and I’m happy with the results. That said, I realize it could have gone wrong. I was very young when I made that decision. Now that I’m older I tent to consider every possible scenario so maybe I wouldn’t make the same decision today, but again, I don’t know because I can’t judge since I’m not in the situation.”
It’s not easy to deal with these issues and it’s not always easy to make the right decisions when you’re trapped by your own negative thoughts and emotions. Clearing that up by going to therapy or frequent meditation, before making any big decisions such as a surgery should be the first step in my opinion.
When I discuss fitness and wellbeing, getting in shape, losing weight, etc., it’s all about growth from the inside out. Of course, looking good is important, but it’s so much more than that! It’s about feeling good, challenging ourselves and others, and being a role model to those around us.
Perfection is a myth and a great way to feed anxiety even depression. What we should aim for is striving to be the best possible version of you, warts and all as they say!
Have you struggled with trying to be perfect with your appearance and otherwise? Please share your stories!
Private Member |
Thank you for your answer 🙂 Now I know what I should do.
Private Member |
uk
I had a nose job when I was 19 and don’t regret it for a second. Haven’t had anything done since then and not planning to. What’s the difference between trying to be the best version of yourself and trying to be perfect? Is it not the same thing? How do you know when you are the best version of yourself? Just curious. Also I don’t know why but Zuzka always strikes me as a perfectionist:) She might not be but that’s the impression I get:)
Private Member |
lake tahoe, nv, usa
I guess the best version of yourself is more about focusing on what’s going on on the inside. That’s what we can always adjust using our cognitive brain function 🙂 haha. I don’t think I’m a perfectionist, but sometimes I wish I was. I can be just as lazy and careless as I can be a perfectionist.
Private Member |
I love your questions, Katarina. I know that I am the best version of myself (mostly) because there no longer is any pressure to “be” something. I used to be so jealous of other girls and the way they looked. I’m 30 now, and when I look at perky, fresh-faced 20-year olds, I enjoy their beauty but I’m glad I’m no longer at that age. You grow and you learn to trust that your personality and knowledge hold more power than your looks. When I realized that, I stopped trying to attain “perfection” (if there is even such a thing).
Private Member |
uk
Yes, getting over 30 does that to you:) You start relaxing and not taking everything so seriously. I wouldn’t want to be 20 again for anything.
Private Member |
Being the best version of yourself is about progress and growth. Perfection is a shield to keep you from showing what you might view as “weakness”. We try hard to be/seem perfect, so that we don’t get judged for being weak, when we’re only human. I hope I helped 😉
Private Member |
uk
Interesting opinion, Diana. Thank you:)
Private Member |
ca, usa
“Perfect” is different for everyone, I will say that those blessed with what society thinks is “ideal” or close to, may find it hard to relate or understand those who are not. I try to be thankful each day I wake up that I have a healthy body that allows me to workout, be active, and play with my kids. I truly think that being thankful for the positives will help you not fixate on the aspects you don’t like.
Private Member |
Hi Cari,
I think you “dotted the i” with your comment. Being thankful for what you have is key. Taking a few moments of introspection to really acknowledge your body’s accomplishments – not just in a general way (the “I can breathe” type of recognition), but delving deeper into small, overlooked details (the “I played volley with my kids and made them and myself happy” type of positive reinforcement you were talking about).
Without judging, I believe some people may be less empathetic – possibly due to educational and societal factors. Maybe some of us cannot put ourselves into the shoes of a person with a disability, who overcomes extremely strenuous physical circumstances (such as the girl who had cancer that Zuzka wrote about). I think if we could for a second empathize with someone who lives with a disability, it would put our “perceived” flaws into a completely different perspective. As Zuzka was mentioning in another comment, cognitive therapy with various empathy oriented exercises would be ideal.
Private Member |
And I’m curious about the photo! 😀
I thought you will be talking about some aerial yoga or whatever that is 😛
For me the problem is confidence and feeling good with whatever body I have more than obsession about appearance or specific areas. Everyone has something going on I guess… but I think some issues grow “out of you” with maturity too… I’m still young so maybe one day I will be more confident, of course with a little help of sport:P
When we are young we tend to obsess about lot of things, people who don’t change anything can be happy too because they just accept it or just mature. So I think that if youre lets say 30 and youre still obsessed about something than that’s a problem.
Private Member |
lake tahoe, nv, usa
I don’t know if it has anything to do with age. When I was a kid I thought that adults have it all pretty much figured out, and as confident as can be, but that’s not the case at all. I see so many people on a regular basis, that are way older than me and acting like immature kids. I think that such thing as confidence is something that needs to be worked on like any other virtues. We’re just humans and if we leave our minds to be set on autopilot, then all we’ll be doing is reacting randomly to everything like kids do.
Yeah I tried the aerial yoga thinking that I would be hooked, but that didn’t happen 🙂
Private Member |
seattle, washington
You live in the USA and on top that the Los Angeles area, Zuzka! 😀 Half the female population of LA came there thinking they would be making it in motion pictures. When don’t they start hating and sometimes it becomes all about “imperfections” in themselves… It’s tend not tent. 🙁
Private Member |
lake tahoe, nv, usa
Are you telling me where I live just in case I forgot?? 🙂
Private Member |
seattle, washington
You are getting older! 😉 Seriously, only pointing out you are living in the very deepest and darkest part of the land of fantasy which seriously impairs rational thought. Lots of self loathing going on there in among the beautiful people. Narcissism and obsession are the norm.
Private Member |
largo, fl, usa
Since my teenage years I’ve been obsessing over one area of my body (the same one you had surgery for Z) and even though now I’m happily married I still obsess over it. I have considered surgery and might still do it, but I don’t want to before I have kids.
I don’t think it would make me any happier or confident, but it is just a part of our body that being a woman makes us more vulnerable I guess.
Private Member |
lake tahoe, nv, usa
Your body will change and your breasts will change after giving birth, so If you’re planning to have kids anytime soon, then I would wait to have them first. I totally get your point and I have to admit that I have never regretted my decision because I just like the way my clothes fits me 🙂
Private Member |
Where did you get them done? If you don’t mind me asking. I’ve just heard loads of horror stories about them and it’s something I don’t want to risk!
Private Member |
usa
Mariana, I hear you loud and clear. I’ve had the same issue/thoughts for close to 10 years now. I’m turning 32 this month and I thought by now I would have learned to accept my body as it is and be happy. But when bras, swimsuits, and clothes don’t everrrr seem to fit properly, this furthers the severity of issue..at least for me…so is there really something wrong with doing that one thing to give us a big extra boost, as long as we do the research?? Doctors are only getting wiser about these things. And anyone who follows and works out with Zuzka works their a$$ off and deserves to feel the best they possibly can!!
Private Member |
los angeles, ca, usa
As you’ve always said, Z, and as I firmly believe – whatever decision you make for yourself (not to please someone else) that isn’t harmful to yourself or to other people, and is made with thought and care, is probably a good decision…. you weigh the options, consider alternatives. I had my nose done after hating it for YEARS, since I was a child, and I never regretted it for a moment. On the other hand, I have thought about breast augmentation in the past, and am glad now I never did it. I think deep down inside, you know what is right for you – you just have to take the time to hear that voice, and no one else’s. Not society, not a trend, not a friend or a significant other – it’s your body, your choice.
Private Member |
switzerland/, france
On another note: are your trying aerial yoga? (as on the photo). I bought a yoga trapeze and have difficulty to find a good spot to hang it, but so looking forward to trying it!
On commenting today’s post: I used to be obsessed with my tummy. I pretty much get over other parts of my body. Since I did the Mutu System program to help with this I understood that the problem is really from the inside and no surgery could make my tummy flat. I need to have a correct posture, eat right food and right quantities to not bloat. Posture is more than just ab workout, it’s whole body working. OK my genetics make me carry fat on the tummy (not thighs) and so be it (ie. liposuccion or diastasis recti surgery wouldn’t have solved anything). Also I have lost skin elasticity and plenty of stretchmarks, no surgery will make it better. So again I do what I can, but get over it past a certain stage. I will do all I can that is non-invasive, until I feel confident to wear a bikini again. Maybe I’ll be 50 by then, ha,ha !
Most important is that there is nothing like perfection, because every culture has other values and reference. What looks good to you, will look awful for others. Being healthy is the most important…and you can be chubby and healthy and nail all X workouts (which I don’t yet).
Private Member |
Very well explained article Zuzka. I feel like theres a big difference between changing for yourself and changing for others. I for one, was never very fortunate in the chest area so when I hit my 20’s I’ve considered augmentation once finished school. Not for anyone but myself though! Plus seriously I can’t even fit in my A side bra’s!!!! I just want to add a little so that I can be comfortable but thankfully I’ve never become obsessed with my small size. I know everyone is different and I’m fortunate to be able to workout with you and be the healthiest me i can! 🙂
Private Member |
Thank you for posting this. I think I had BDD. I’ve struggled on and off with an eating disorder most of my life. But I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder caused by child abuse) so that’s where the eating disorder comes from. I almost got breast implants in my early 20s but I was almost turned down because of a heart condition. The surgeon didn’t really want to do it and after really thinking that I could put my life in danger all for the sake of looking perfect, I’m glad I changed my mind. I’m really glad I didn’t do it because now that I’m in my early 30s, I actually love my small breasts now. I can get away with not wearing a bra. My husband loves me for who I am and not a perfect body.