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Fitting Out
Health | May 28, 2017
I’m sure that you’ve heard the phrase, “fitting in”. Someone who fits in can be described as someone who blends into a crowd. Someone who looks and acts like the people they’re surrounded with. Someone who doesn’t make waves or draw attention to themselves. It’s someone who doesn’t stand out for any particular reason.
Many, many people devote large chunks of time, energy, and precious resources to fitting in. Lots of us feel a very strong drive be accepted and liked by our friends and peers. And, of course, we all want to be loved and respected. And good relationships are worth investing in. But the fear of not fitting in is similar to FOMO; fear of missing out. I’m sure we can all relate to that particular fear, that stab of hurt and anger when you learn a group of friends has done something fun without inviting you along. Or the feeling of resentment when you’re passed over for a promotion or missed out on a good career opportunity because someone else was chosen.
And when negative things like that happen, the questions can begin swirling. Why didn’t they invite me? Why didn’t they pick me? Maybe I need better clothes or a better car. Maybe my social media posts are annoying. Maybe I said something that offended someone. Maybe I need to go out more and drink more and go out to eat with everyone all the time. Maybe I’m boring or weird. Maybe I should try to fly under the radar more. What can I do, how should I be, to fit in better?
But what if you put your brain on mute for a second and really considered the actual value of fitting in? To be just like everyone else? To do the same things and wear the same things and say the same things as everyone else? Where and what is the value in that? I suppose maybe it wouldn’t be a very challenging life. You might be able to avoid feeling uncomfortable sometimes. But that’s about it.
What if instead of putting so much energy into fitting in, you focused that drive on finding out what YOUR goals and passions are and took steps towards achieving the same? (And this is where I really relate to this material.) I, personally, am very proud to be my authentic self. I don’t devote all of my time and energy to fitness because it’s what everyone else is doing. I’ve dedicated my life to this because it’s my personal passion and because it’s what makes me, ME. I don’t do what other people do at dinner time and order pizza. I take time to make a delicious, nutritious dinner from whole, unprocessed foods and develop my extensive recipe collection on my website. When it comes to exercise I don’t do what a lot of other people do and work out for 3 weeks in January because I made a New Year’s resolution. I devote time every day to moving my body and increasing my personal fitness. I’m don’t want to work for a big faceless company and punch a clock every day. I have a real fire for building and developing my own business and helping people. And I have a feeling that if you’re reading this, you can relate to these feelings too.
When you focus on what you want and need to do and work very hard at it, you become way more than just a small part of a group. You become an extraordinary individual. Someone who doesn’t fit in.
Sometimes it can be tough to do your own thing. If all your friends are going out to get drinks and Chinese food, it might feel isolating to choose to stay home to work out and eat your sautéed chicken with arugula, strawberries, chicken, and blue cheese (yum!).
It might feel embarrassing when people make fun of you for trying something out of the norm, like postural therapy, personal growth exercises, going to bed early, probiotics, oil pulling, whatever.
But those might be the choices that move you toward your most authentic self and the extraordinary individual that you are becoming. It’s your job to tune out the noise of other’s negativity and your own fears of being left out.
Trying to be like everyone else seems like a recipe for unhappiness.
What do you think? Do you want to be like everyone else? Or do you want to be special and passionate? Do you want to excel? Do you want to always be learning and growing? Do you want to be strong and independent? Do you want to “fit out”?
What kinds of things do you do in your every day life that might belong to the “fitting out” category? Have you ever felt pressure to fit in? Have you ever tried to fit in and felt unhappy? As always, I’d love to hear what you think about this concept. Do you find it motivating? Think it’s mumbo jumbo? Let me know in the comments!
Private Member |
This is just what I needed this moment. It’s good to evaluate the point of view of things.
I’m kind of proud of not fitting in, unfortunatelly I don’t know what I really want to do, yet. I’m so happy to have soul sisters (and brothers) who prefer healthy meal and a good night sleep over drinks and pizza 🙂
Private Member |
finland
Indeed! Life feels so much better with healthy food, good night sleep and killer workouts!
Have a great day! ❤️
Private Member |
Thank you Carri.
Have a great day, too 🙂
Private Member |
I kinda felt like you were speaking to me directly with this post- I haven’t ever felt that way till now :p
Private Member |
uk
Fitting out comes easier with age. The older you are the less you care about others opinion. Being young comes with insecurity and feeling that somehow others opinion is more valid. These days I know that opinions are highly subjective and they just reflect individuals experience in life. I like people who don’t care about what they eat and they never exercise – they are usually very relaxed about life but I like health nuts too – how they chop and measure their avocados and think sugar is toxic – they are funny : ) I feel everybody contributes to life somehow so do what you have to and want to do and let others do the same.
Private Member |
Oh I agree. I enjoy all types of people and their health habits, or lack of as well. It has taken time and life experience to be the me I am today. I am still learning and enjoying every single day I am blessed to have here with family and friends. You never know who you are going to inspire or who may inspire you. We all seem to be watching, learning, inspiring, and teaching each day whether we know it or not. Live, love, and enjoy everyday 🙏
Private Member |
Thank you!!! This came at the most perfect time:-)
Private Member |
Love this!! We all need to learn to be courageous enough to be ourselves. I think the famous quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our Deepest Fear,” encapsulates the idea of fitting out in a beautiful way. 🙂
Private Member |
This was nice and thought provoking. I hear a lot of jabber from my sister and mom about my lifestyle choices. It is hard to block it out sometimes. I’m learning everyone lives life different and I have to accept people for who they are- not who I want them to be. What I do wouldn’t make others happy and what they do wouldn’t make me happy. We just have to respect one another and be true to ourselves. Thanks for sharing your insight. It came at a perfect time. You’re doing wonderful things for so many people Zuzka. So happy to be part of this community.
Private Member |
fort mill, sc, usa
I’ve struggled with this. One thing I have learned, sort of a trick I guess, is to declare what I don’t do proudly instead of battling with it. For example, I decided last year that I was going to stop drinking alcohol. So when people invite me out to a brewery or conversations are had about what drinks I like, I just say I don’t drink. I don’t get into why because it’s my business. Food is easier because people don’t care if I order healthier meals, but people seem to want someone to drink with them. Needless to say, I don’t get asked much anymore and that’s ok! Love this community, and Zuzka!
Private Member |
ca, usa
I think a lot has to do with your personality, some are more leader types and some just go with the flow. Age also helps to know yourself better and be confident in who you are and what YOU want for your life. I just do my thing and don’t worry about what others think and do. I also don’t try to push what I do on others unless they ask for help. 🙂
Private Member |
switzerland/, france
not fitting in, was kinda cool and the thing we wanted when I was a teenager. I always felt being in , without being in. I don’t have friends and live up with my life choices. The latest thing that did upset me is a newcomer at work (we call that in french a beauf’ (a brother in law…aka a douche): I was explaining what cool stuff I was trying to work out with feet/toe exercises (like lifting one toe at a time) and he stupidly said : are you going to a circus, ha,ha.
I prefer talking to open-minded people.
My motto in life has always been: hey you laugh and comment at things I do, but if something happens to me, will you be there by me side to help and care about me?..NO, so let me make my choices that are good for me.
Private Member |
hailey, id
This was really good for me to read today. I often feel alone because of divorce. And it’s not mumble jumble when you feel abandoned and like all the questions you had there that swirl in your hat… That’s not mumbo-jumbo. Those are real feelings and real experiences.
I personally found courage by taking the Bible seriously. I started reading it every morning before work and every day before bed. I would let it help me filter my thoughts about all the figures nine Zaidi so hot, and give me strength to overcome my despair. I also started working out every single day. And I haven’t quit almost 4 years later.
It makes me feel like I’m an oddball, because people see me on the highway there around town always walking, so they notice that I’m out. But I’m not at the bars with them sitting around moaning about my problems. And that’s a good feeling.